#88; Matt Bellamy – A Wikipedia Entry from the Year 2028

Today is June 9th, the birthday of Muse front-man and general mental person Matthew Bellamy. Most people will simply be wishing him a happy birthday of course, unless you are Dwight Schrute, but I thought I would do something different. So, to celebrate Matthew’s birthday, here is an extract taken from his Wikipedia entry… from the year 2028. Enjoy…

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Matthew Bellamy upon arriving on Mars in 2020. It is believed this is where he created his first solo album 'It's Quite Red'.

Matthew James Bellamy (born 9 June 1978) is an English musician, Lady Gaga impersonator and head of the Muse2Mars 2020 Space Program. He is most famously known for being the songwriter, singer, guitarist, kazooist, pianist, composer, cowbeller and breakdancer from English rock band Muse. He is married to Lily Allen and has 3 children, Matt, Matt and Matt.

Bellamy’s father, George, was a guitarist for the 60′s rock group The Tornados. The Tornados were most commonly known for their global phenomenom Telstar. Although not born at the time, it is later believed by many rock critics that Matthew Bellamy inspired George to help write this song and may have even contributed to it. Matthew was actually born in 1978 in Cambridge, where he soon moved down to Teignmouth with his mother and began learning the piano.

Matthew grew up in various schools around Teignmouth and got involved in various bands. His initial band was named Rocket Baby Dolls, which Matthew revealed in his autobiography he wanted to call the band ‘Madonna’s Baby Dolls’ but other members of the group, Dominic Howard and King Chris Wolstenholme of England laughed him out of the room. They moved onto the name Gothic Plague, until a gothic plague struck members of the Teignmouth community until the band stuck with the name Muse in the mid 90′s. Once again, Matt initially thought Esum was a good name until he saw the name in a mirror and went for Muse.

Muse

For nearly three decades from 1999 to 2015, Matthew Bellamy was a key member of Muse. In this period he has written 8 albums for the band:

• Showbiz – 1999 – A dark, broody introduction with the styles of Jeff Buckley, Radiohead and Nirvana present
• Origin of Symmetry – 2001 Very prog rock style and heavy in nature, it saw Muse growing into a far bigger name
• Absolution – 2003 – Arguably Muse’s greatest album with huge tracks and an apocalyptic theme
• Black Holes and Revelations – 2006 – Featuring the Mars national anthem Knights of Cydonia and other experimental genres
• The Resistance – 2009 – The first Symphony written by Bellamy and other very popular hits
• Armageddon Some Clothes For the Apocalypse – 2012 – Featuring themes of the Mayan calendar, a very controversial album that surprised many
• Survived – 2013 – Written in response to the previous album and it’s critics, it featured similar music to Origin of Symmetry to make it up to the fans. Popular.
• Muse: The Symphony – 2015 – 2 hours in length and 3 CD’s worth of symphonies. Admired by many. Performed once on Noel Edmonds’ Sunday Morning Brunch TV show.

After their Symphony album, Bellamy decided it was time to take a break, and instead of producing music he began working on his infamous ‘Muse2Mars’ program, which was intended to take all members of Muse to Mars. They succeeded in this, beating NASA to the planet within 3 years of starting the program. However, during this time Bellamy admitted to ‘going slightly insane’ and was seen many times out in public dressed up as former Prime Minister and popstar Lady Gaga.

During 2016-2018, Matt Bellamy could often be found dressed up as Lady Gaga.

Gaga Era

Following the final Muse album, Bellamy had often admitted how much admiration he had for Prime Minister at the time Lady Gaga. However, the stress of creating the Muse2Mars mission led him to insane levels of insanity. On the way to the Muse film, produced by Michael Bay staring Bruce Willis as Matt Bellamy and Chris Wolstenholme as himself, Bellamy was pictured in a bright wig and sparkly clothes, exclaiming to be ‘gaga for Gaga’. This occurance appeared in the public domain many times following.

In late 2017, Bellamy spoke candidly in an interview regarding his Gaga cross dressing. “What she’s done for the world is inspirational. It is only fair I dress up as her. Coz, like, coz we wanna do something good but yeah. She’s a legend, yeah. Cheers.”. It sadly did not clear up this odd behaviour at the time, but Muse fans understood Bellamy’s admiration for the Prime Minister/Popstar and welcomed this new look for Bellamy. One Muse fan at the time, only known as ‘Hot Burrito’ commented on ‘how devlishly devilish he looked’ on a BBC News broadcast.

After this period of time, Bellamy was once again seen in his own erratic clothing at a press conference to finalise the details for the Muse2Mars program that he was initiating with fellow bandmates Howard and Wolstenholme. In his autobiography, Bellamy revealed how ‘he didn’t know what that was all about’ in regards to this era.

Muse2Mars

A key theme in a lot of Muse’s music was the idea of outer space and planets elsewhere, and Matt Bellamy was always interested in trying to get to Mars. Initially the Muse2Mars program was a codename for Muse’s final album until Bellamy got so drunk he decided it would be a good idea to try and do it in real life. Originally announced in the year 2016, the idea behind this project was quite unique in it’s execution and what was promised from the band. They planned to use Chris Wolstenholme’s headbanging to power them from Earth to the stars and eventually to Mars within a few hours. Many laughed off such an idea but a prototype test launch in 2017 using Wolstenholme’s power left many people in awe, some still undeniably impressed to this day.

Bellamy was very much in charge of the project and stated plenty of times how the system was his idea ‘after a very drunk night in the recording studio’. Once arriving on Mars, the band wanted to begin life their with their families and start opening up a proper civilization there known as the Musers, in which fans from Earth were welcome to join them. Music magazine NME originally misunderstood the idea and thought this was merely Muse’s latest stunt for the newly created Formula 1 Festival that Muse were headlining. Dominic Howard responded to these claims by banning NME from ‘ever writing crap again’ and the Muse2Mars project continued.

Originally the Muse2Mars project was set for take off in 2018 until Bellamy himself had a pregnancy scare. The issue here however was that, whilst still thinking he was Lady Gaga, he believed he had got himself pregnant. This clearly was not the case but oddly close to home in the truth as it was fellow band mate Chris Wolstenholme who had made his wife pregnant for the 34th time. This in turn led to Chris Wolstenholme being applicable to becoming King of England thanks to new laws that led to fertile men being in line for the throne. In mid 2018, Wolstenholme became King and the project was pushed back a year leaving Bellamy to sort himself out and stop being Lady Gaga.

An artists impression of the Muse2Mars ship. Bellamy called it his 'planet express'. Matt Groening soon tried to sue the project but dropped the case because Chris Wolstenholme allowed his wife to have another baby.

In 2019 the final system was created and the band believed that they were ready to go. Again, Bellamy held up the project by announcing he was going to be getting married to long time love Lily Allen to the uproar of Muse fans everywhere.  Their wedding lasted 2 days as most of the music was taken from the various Symphonies written by Bellamy as well as his constant desire to start jumping around in circles with his Manson guitar during parts of the ceremony. As well as this, his wife kept passing out due to too much alcohol. All in all, many said it was a beautiful ceremony.

January 2020 finally saw the launch of the Muse2Mars project and amazingly it worked sucessfully. All members of Muse landed on the planet and all were happy and fine with what had occured with 4 billion people watching back at home, most of them conceived by Chris Wolstenholme.

Soon after landing Bellamy conducted interviews with the press via a totally unexplainable webcam on the planet and the recently discovered WiFi that all of Mars has. He expressed his delight for the success of the Muse2Mars 2020 program : “Yeah it’s great, it’s great, cheers. Easy tiger.”.  The band had hoped to create new albums whilst living on the planet but other ideas were sprouted as Wolstenholme became King of the Universe, Dominic Howard opened a new line of bright clothes for bright aliens whilst Bellamy began work on an erratic and completely non-understandable solo album called “It’s Quite Red” in reference to the face of Cydonia. Due to being on Mars, only Chris and Dom bought the album but over the past few years, due to a long importing time, it has become a cult hit on Earth.

Life on Mars

Bellamy’s life has been considerably changed whilst living on Mars to say the least. He has seen the birth of three children, who are technically Martians, all of whom are called Matthew. He has also seen other foundations opened whilst living on the planet such as the Zeta Appreciation Society, with only Catherine Zeta Jones so far supporting the cause but Bellamy has insisted that he will continue to reach out to Zeta’s around the universe. He has also written his autobiography – “Pwoper Fish” – which revealed many startling revelations that occured during his life including his

Matt Bellamy in 2027, wearing a Newcastle United tie he found on Mars

fight with Natalie Imbruglia before a mimed Live and Kicking performance and how he caused the downfall of former Prime Minister David Cameron. Bellamy is still writing music and is believed to be working on his second solo album, which is rumoured to be called “Fatty’s Leg”.

Since 2027 Bellamy has also been very much influential in the population increase on Mars as the Muser Racecontinues to grow on the planet, with an estimated 6 million Muser’s now living on Mars alongside Bellamy, Howard and Wolstenholme. Bellamy himself has been overwhelmed by the response – “It’s overwhelming, yeah” – and to this day is continuing to get more people to leave near Cydonia with him. Although Bellamy sadly never managed to take over the world as he hoped, he is still adamant he has found a new world to take over, with his autobiography at the time displaying his pride of living on Mars. He is currently 50 years old.

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Happy Birthday Matt Bellamy! Hope you guys enjoyed this Wikipedia entry from the future…

(I’ve now written one for Chris Wolstenholme too, so go and enjoy that once you’re done with this!)